There is no proper way to describe pain...it means so many things to different people. The dictionary describes pain as "Severe physical or mental discomfort or distress" but this definition doesn't really cut it.
When someone falls down and gets a bruise and cries out, it's a visible sign that such a person is in pain.
But how do you begin to describe a pain that cannot be seen? How do people even know you're in pain when you go around happily, how do people know your heart is severely bruised when you go to the hospital and they tell you your heart is in perfect condition.
Just like Abigail, beautiful, lovely, free spirited and sweet.
No single spot or blemish was found on her skin, her skin shone like alabaster, radiant with inner light. Who would have known or seen the pieces of her heart gradually falling apart, and shattering.
This heart ache was not caused by a love interest or a failed relationship, because she had the most amazing relationship with her partner. A partner who loved every bit of her but struggled to get the same or part of her heart because that part of her heart was locked up very far away, with the keys thrown away. But this did not stop him from loving her, and covering up that part of her she had lost. So, nobody knew this was the case. They always appeared looking like a perfect pair, like a piece of jigsaw puzzle fitting into another perfect piece.
When she tried to open up that locked side of her heart to her partner it seemed like a stone lodged in her throat, choking her words. Like the words were so bitter, like ashes on her tongue.
This wasn't a failed relationship problem or trauma from her past, but it seemed it was way bigger than a failed relationship or heartbreak in the past. This one was big, and held a very significant meaning.
After trying and failing so many times to unlock that part of her heart to Ben, her partner. She decided to explain it visually. So she took him far into a small garden, and walked down until they were face to face with a tree, a tree which after much observation looked like an oak tree, a once beautiful oak tree that had withered away over time. Its branches stretched like a withered hand grasping for life. Its beauty was lost, like a forgotten melody. Ben was very confused and couldn't understand why Abigail would bring him to such an ugly tree.
In between choked up tears in her throat, she managed to start speaking. And she said few words,
"This tree represents a friendship that was once full and beautiful but withered away over time and became completely barren. "
"The withered leaves...symbolizes the loss of love, laughter and warmth..."
"Lastly, its bare branches represent emptiness and forgotten memories..."
Then she continued, obviously struggling, trying to put her words as clearly as possible. "I was once like this Oak tree. Part of these withered leaves and branches represents me, but it was incomplete, a tree only looks beautiful when all the leaves and branches are present and blooms together, so, the other part of this tree represents Maya... The person I once loved like myself, the person who I considered as my soul mate. God definitely had her in mind when he created me, he gave me a sister not connected by blood to do life with for 15 long years. And those were the best years of my life....but then, it all ended abruptly.
A sisterhood of 15 years ended because of a stupid disagreement and betrayal. Both our pride and ego didn't allow us to mend it. I was deeply hurt and I believe she was too, even though she never mentioned it, and just went ghost on me, and I felt too proud and offended to reach out and that was it. This locked part of my heart was this 15 years I never bothered to unlock, but now I have to unlock it, especially with a partner as patient and loving as you, Ben...I have to begin my healing process and this is the first step".
With that, She held Ben so close and he cried like a baby, finally he was able to access all of her heart which she had restricted him from accessing all these years...
Just like Abigail, if you've ever experienced a deep friendship hurt, you'd understand how terrible it can be. But, some of these hurts could have been mended if we let down our egos, but unfortunately, some hurts can never be fixed, but the effect shouldn't be as bad and terrible as hers was.
This past Thursday was world mental health day. People don't carry pain up their sleeves or make it visible for the world to see. If you have a part of you that you have locked up, you've not allowed yourself to feel the pain, instead you've locked it up. Remember, the first stage to healing is feeling and accepting the pain, don't worry, you'll be fine. Gold goes through a lot of pain and refining before it becomes beautiful.
Have a lovely week ahead and remember to be nice to people ❤.
Beautiful writing darling daughter 👍👍👍👍👍
So relatable, and very well put🥹